At Jeez-Its, we believe Communion is a slap in the face to the Body of Christ and its infinite potential. After obtaining a bounty of transubstantiated communion wafers from an anonymous priest, we decided it was time to see just what these baby Jesuses could do. Join as we prove that Jesus can do anything and everything, even as a cracker.
We all know that God controls the universe and holds a high stake in the comings and goings of the people on Earth. And he seems particularly concerned with the comings. Which is why the Greeks should have totally seen the collapse of their economy approaching.
The Greeks have a lot that they can be proud of. They invented democracy, western philosophy, political science, Tiffany Amber-Thiessen and the Olympic Games. They developed profound literature, mathematical principles, and the dramatic arts. But perhaps one Greek invention above all others caught God’s eye – butt sex.
Yes, the Greeks are known for their appreciation of the anal arts, and God has never been a fan. Being the clever, patient, and omnipotent being that He is, God has waited until now to unleash His vengeance on the Greek people. The Roman Conquering, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, no previous tragedy has hurt those lascivious Greeks more than cutting their social programs. God has brought them to their knees, clamoring to please Him.
The rest of the world must take note! Thousands of years are only minutes to God. He can wait to wreak his wrath on you. Hundreds, possibly thousands, of years may go by, until everyone has forgotten about how the non-procreative sex they have been having makes God hot under the collar, and then He will strike with economic disaster.
Beware, all ye who like the butt sex. Beware, because God will not hesitate to fuck you like you've never been fucked before. By taking away your social programs.
"We know that the adolescent is spontaneously homosexual. Boys play with boys, girls play with girls," Archbishop Dadeus Grings said. "If there is no proper guidance, this sticks. The question is - how are we going to educate our children to use a sexuality that is human and suitable?”
Archbishop Grings, known as Daddy amongst the choir and altar boys of his church, explained to a Brazilian bishops’ conference that today’s society was pedophilic due to rampant homosexuality. Our cultures are sick with child molestation because we allow Teh Gheys to have some (but not all) civil rights. Teh Gheys are everywhere and their existence is harming your child's sexual development.
But, the good bishop is not all doom and gloom. He has a plan to help us! He declares that it is up to the celibate priesthood to nurture and train those spontaneously homosexual boys and girls in the proper ways to express their sexuality. Even if the training has to go all night long and over the weekends. Even if the training takes years and years, the priests will remain dedicated. They will start training the children of their parishes as early as possible, so that the pervasive homosexual culture doesn’t have a chance to taint them.
Fear not, society at large! The Catholic Church is here to teach your children about sex and to keep them from spontaneously becoming homosexual. They love your children (long time).